Jaded for time...
I'm solely jaded
The fear has been unleashed
Uptil this point I can't forget
I can't ignore
And I can't stop sorrow...
Time is evil but I braved
I gave it hope
But it all crumbled like a baby's cradle
To some it is known
Hurt is forever a shadow...
Purple showers and sweet scented flowers...
Searching butterflies and dragonflies
I always believed in fairytales
Little pixies and gnomes
Brings innocence of childhood
They flow right through me
Forcing faith
Forcing hope
I shut my eyes lightly
To open and stand in a garden
Where it rains purple waters
And sweet scented flowers blooms after
Draped in a while silken dress
My hair flows with the breeze
Whispering among the trees
The glow that I've been searching for
Finally shines through my smile
And the babysteps I make
At the tip of my fingers
The drops of dew
Glitters from the ray of the sun
As the sun sets in the evening
I watched the world around me turn gold
Looked up into the sky
I made a wish
Upon the first star I see
That I'd forever stay this way
Then I shut my eyes again
Only to know
I'll keep searching
For butterflies and dragonflies...
Hero
I am somehow relieved. At least I think I do.
*Sigh*
Weehoo gonna go out this monday to Low Yat with a hometown friend. Poor guy, just broke up with his gf. I understand how it feels especially when you're the one who's being dumped. Guess people like him and I are just easier to be 'thrown'. LOL...Just kidding!
And weehoo again, hopefully I get back my Jazz CDs at the time as well. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Mmm...Mariah Carey's Hero is playing on my Winamp now and come to think of it I feel uplifted...proly just for a while. It'll do...it'll do...A really good song. Never fails to make one feel much better.
Today is the last day of the promotion. I'm jobless now. Hopefully will get another job soon enough. Or I'll be bored til death. Will be doing more freelancing. It's more relaxing and at the same time can earn hard cash. *Wink*
Neways, gotta continue playing online pool now. Totally addicted....
Snook & Forever Love
Just came back not too long ago from a session of snooker with the Hennessy guys. Ryan and Kong to be exact. Played a few games to kill the boredom that's been looming for quite sometime. If anyone's up for pool or snooker, I'm a call away. Always been a fan of these two games. The thrill of getting balls into pockets (sounds pathetic but true and a bit obscene as well) is just dwelling enough to get me go Moo-Moo like the cows.
I stared at myself at the mirror for quite sometime while Lee Hom's Forever Love is playing on my laptop. I'm not too sure whether you guys have heard of this song but the lyrics are really meaningful. My favourite line is the first line of the song. I started asking myself thousands of questions then that I myself can't find the exact answers to. All I could do is being judgemental about it and give my best shot to actually clear out the unclear. Basically, just come out with my own opinion about almost anything and everything I can think of. So much for logics and sense. Pretty stupid but safe.
Been sleeping really late or should I say early in the morning. I think it's going to be my sleeping ritual soon unless I find something that could make me stop doing it. And I know what it is but I cant seem to grasp them in my hands yet. Hopefully, when everything goes well I will be much more of a happier person and not fake it out just to show people that I'm okay. Haven't prayed much but I remembered doing it when I was drunk like hell last week. That was really the day.
Talking about it, I got myself really drunk from drinking with the customers. I had more than 10 shots or cognac (Hennessy) mix and on the rocks. I thought I could handle it but I guess I was wrong. When work was over I started feeling dizzy and queasy. Got to the car and started puking like mad. Moments later I was crying. I cried it all out. The stress and problems that were long built up were all expressed when I cried. It was nothing to be proud of but it made me feel a little better after. *Sigh*...and I blurted some stuff which I wasn't suppose to. I must have had them up to my neck. Too painful even to scream at so crying was the next best option. It worked! Although, I should practice on the screaming where first of all I need to find the spot to do so. The last time I screamed while I covered a pillow over my mouth. Not so good of an idea but it wasn't too bad.
I don't know why I am telling all this. Probably for me to recall back in the near future perhaps. Whatever...I'm feeling much better now that I've let it all out once again.
Time to go to bed and wish for a dream that could make me go Moo-Moo forever. Cheers to Lee Hom!
To be born a human...
I miss my Jazz CDs. They're not with me now when I need them the most. Feeling somehow down and blue today. Then again, it's me...I always think too much when I shouldn't. How could I when I have so much things going on happening in my life? Tell you how it feels like. It feels like falling off a building into infinity. You pass by windows trying to call out for help. Some sees you and tried to help but couldn't and some sees you but they just pretended not to see you because they have other stuff to worry about...or perhaps they're just plain selfish. Then again, in the beginning, it was your own decision. YOU decided to jump off the building. You KNEW the consequences but you did it anyways. Why? No matter how complicated a human behaviour could be, there's always an explanation. Frustrated and fed up is all I can feel now. Somehow, I think I'm always stuck to a NO-WIN situation. Whatever it is...I can't find the reasons.
I'm so tired..........................really really tired..............................
I don't know... Am I too nice? Am I naive? Or am I just plain stupid?
Missing my fav choco, my fav coffee and my fav jazz collections. Helps me to clear my mind a lot. Of course, there are times when after the second bite of choco, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and trickling down my cheeks.
To think about it, I am definitely happy to be born a human but the irony is emotions are hard to control. Beautiful it is...to feel pain and happiness.
........beautiful.......
